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दुःख व क्षोभ से विचलित होकर यह देह ऐसे घूमती है जैसे मेरे जीवन की टेढ़ी-मेढ़ी राह में पड़ने वाले सोच रूपी कुँए मुझे स्वयं में समाहित कर लेंगे। यह कुँआ सिर्फ मेरी सोच से ही नहीं बल्कि जीवन में मिले नाना प्रकार के लोग और उनसे मिली सीख से भी प्रभावित होते हैं। सोच की वजह से मेरे मष्तिष्क पर पड़ने वाला ज़ोर मेरी आँखों की पुतलियों में दिखता है। सोच के कारण मेरे चेहरे का तेज शून्य होता दिखता है। मेरे शरीर की नियंत्रक चाभी सोच के पास गिरवी है। इसे दुबारा तरंगमय करने के लिए एक साफ कुँए को ढूँढ़कर उसकी जगति पर बैठकर कुछ देर ध्यान लगाना होता है। फ़िर उस कुँए में इतने पत्थर पेंकने होते हैं जिससे उसमें उठने वाली लहरों के ज़ोर मुझे स्वयं में समाहित कर लें। उस जल में मुझे कुछ देर साँस नहीं आती। कुछ क्षणों तक मुझे कुछ दिखायी नहीं देता। हाथ-पैर अपने आप फड़फड़ाने लगते हैं। पानी मेरी नाक, मुँह, कान और आँखों में घुसने लगता है। फिर से साँस आती है। उसी जल में मेरी आँखें खुलती हैं। मेरा मस्तिष्क अब सारी बेचैनियों को उसी जल में प्रवाहित करने को और फ़िर से सोचरहित मस्तिष्क लेकर वापस कुँए से निकलने को तैयार होता है।

बाहर निकलते ही सूरज की किरणें मेरी देह को सुखाती हैं। शरीर का कोई बोझ मस्तिष्क को अर्जित नहीं होता है। देह हवा की भाँति लहराता हुआ आगे बढ़ने को तैयार होता है। जब तक बाहरी आडम्बर मुझे याद नहीं दिलाते, मुझे मेरी नवीन सोच की नग्नता का संशय नहीं होता है। मेरा बेसुध होकर आगे बढ़तरहना उन आडम्बरों को चुनौती देता है। वे मुझे फूलों के बगीचे में भेज कर काँटो की मुख़बरी करते हैं। मैं बगीचे में शांत बैठकर फूलों की सुंदरता निहारूँ तो मुझे कायर कह कर फूल तोड़ने को विवश करते हैं। मेरे फूल तोड़ते ही वे मुझे निर्दयी होने का लांछन लगाते हैं। यह पहला धक्का मेरे मस्तिष्क को लगकर और सोच को बस छूकर निकल जाता है। हाथ में लगे काँटे इतने ज़हरीले होते हैं कि आँखों से रक्त की तरह पानी बहता है। चेतना इतनी कोमल होती है कि वह बाग, फूल-काँटो यहां तक सामाजिक आडम्बरों को भी दोषरहित बताती है।

बगीचा छोड़कर आगे बढ़ने पर मुझे एक बीहड़ में लगी आग अपनी ओर खींचती है। जीवन के आडम्बर पुनः मुझे घेर लेते है। मेरी आँखो को भयभीत देखकर वे अट्टहास करते हैं। वे अपनी कुटिल बातों से मुझे उस अग्नि में स्वयं को स्वाहा करने को कहते हैं। वे अग्नि की सुंदरता का बखान करते हैं। आडम्बरों के सिवाय मेरे समीप और कोई नहीं होता है। यह देखकर मेरा मस्तिष्क स्तब्ध होता है। कोई तीव्र ऊर्जा मेरे मस्तिष्क को सुझाव देती है कि किस प्रकार पुष्पों व काँटो ने एक अनुभव देकर उसे जन्म दिया। यह समझने को विवश किया कि आगे बढ़कर कष्ट व सुख दोनों पाने से ही यह पड़ाव पार होगा। यह सोच का नवांकुर था जिसने मुझे उस आग में कूदने का साहस दिया। मेरे जलकर पिघलते शरीर को देखकर मस्तिष्क ने मेरी सोच पर संदेह किया। देह की बढ़ती पीड़ा ने मुझे जी भरकर कोसा और अंत में अग्नि मेरे मस्तिष्क को भी जला गयी।

कानों में पड़ रही आवाज़ें सुनकर मुझे पता चला कि मेरा स्वयं को अग्नि में समाहित करना ही इस जीवन चक्र का सत्य नहीं था। पर यह क्या? यदि वह सत्य नहीं था तो मेरी देह राख में लिपटी क्यों है। आँखे मूँदने पर यह क्यों लगा कि मस्तिष्क के जलने के बाद भी सोच जीवित रही। अनजाने में मेरे अंदर यह किस बला को जन्म मिल गया था। मेरे कानों ने मुझे बताया कि आडम्बर मृत्यु पर भी अट्ठहास करते हैं। मस्तिष्क ने प्रश्न किया “मृत्यु पर क्यों”? उचित उत्तर ना मिलने पर सोच का आकार और बढ़ गया।

देह के उठकर आगे बढ़ते ही आडम्बर मुझे सामने दिख रही दो राहें चुनने को कहते हैं। यह देखकर मेरी आँखें भयभीत होती हैं। वे मुझे अवगत कराती हैं कि एक राह सरल प्रतीत होती है जहाँ हर पड़ाव पर निर्देश लिखे हैं और दूसरी राह कठिन है जहाँ अंत स्वयं ही ढूंढना है। मस्तिष्क मुझे सरल राह लेने को कहता है किंतु मेरी व्यापक हो रही सोच मुझे कठिन राह पर आगे बढ़ाती है। कठिन मार्ग पर आगे बढ़ने पर सरल राह पर बैठे आडम्बरी मुझे अधर्मी कहते हैं। मुझे कहते हैं कि किस प्रकार मैंने उचित मार्ग को त्यागकर अनुचित मार्ग पर पग बढ़ाएं हैं। किस प्रकार वह मार्ग इस मार्ग से उत्तम है। उन्हीं आडम्बरों से व्यथित कुछ लोग मेरे समानान्तर सरल मार्ग की ओर जाते हैं तो कुछ मेरे पीछे आते हैं। हम सभी इस मार्ग पर चलकर अपने मस्तिष्क व देह को परम पीड़ा देते हैं। थोड़ा शिथिल होने पर मस्तिष्क सरल राह ना जाने का अनुचित निर्णय याद दिलाता है।  साथ चलने वाले बताते हैं कि वह मार्ग भी इतना ही कठिन है। अट्टहास की ध्वनि उस ओर भी इतनी ही तीव्र है। एक मन्द मुस्कान उनकी पीड़ा सोचकर स्वयं की पीड़ा भुला देती है। आँखो को सोच अति व्यापक और कुटिल होती दिखती है।

मार्ग के उस पार पहुँचकर माटी का दलदल दिखता है। सोच ने फ़िर जिरह की। उससे होकर जाना आवश्यक लगा। माटी में पाँव से सर तक धँसते फ़िर एक जोर लगाकर वापस आने और फ़िर जाने के चक्र में मैंने पास ही बैठे एक जनसमूह को देखा। दलदल के घुमाव ने मेरे मन की अनिश्चितता को भाँपकर मुझे बाहर धकेल दिया। उत्सुकता ने मेरी आँखों को उस जनसमूह से जुड़े साक्ष्य लाने को कहा। मैंने जाना कि वह समूह दलदल में कूदने वालों का लेखा-जोखा रखता है। मस्तिष्क ने प्रश्न किया कि वे दलदल से निकलने की राह क्यों नहीं बताते? साक्ष्यों के आधार पर आँखों ने उत्तर दिया कि इनका काम इस दलदल में फँसने वाले लोंगों का लेखा-जोखा सामाजिक आडम्बर को देना है। माटी से लथपथ शरीर के आगे बढ़ने पर कानों को एक प्रश्न सुनायी दिया, नर या मादा? चेतना ने अंतर समझना चाहा। सोच ने सरल-कठिन मार्ग का उदाहरण दिया। मस्तिष्क ने सरल मार्ग चुनते हुए स्वयं को मादा कहा। अगले पड़ाव तक समझ आ जाता है कि यह पड़ाव भी बस सरल दिखता है। यहाँ पीड़ा देह से अधिक मस्तिष्क को थी। मस्तिष्क व सोच की उचित व अनुचित पर हो रही जिरह को देखते हुए मेरी मुँह से एक आवाज़ निकली, “मुझे इंसान रहने दो।”

सोच ने विशालकाय रूप धर लिया था। मस्तिष्क के हर निर्णय पर अब सोच का अट्टहास था। आँखों को आडम्बर आस-पास में नहीं बल्कि मेरी सोच में दिखने लगे। देह का बोझ बढ़कर मस्तिष्क में अंकित नहीं हो रहा था। सबने सोच को शत्रु मान लिया। व्याकुल मस्तिष्क ने पीड़ा कम करने के लिए जीवन में मिले एक सुखद अनुभव याद करने की कोशिश की तो उसे वह कुँआ याद आया। मन व्याकुल होकर नेत्रों को उस कुँए की दिशा ले जाने को कहता है।

उबड़-खाबड़ रास्ते पर चलते हुए कुछ कंकाल दिखते हैं। मस्तिष्क के पूछने पर आँखों ने बताया कि ये अच्छी सोच वाले लोग थे और यह भी बताया कि जिनकी सोच अच्छी नहीं होती उनके कंकाल इस चक्र में घूमते-घूमते विलीन हो जाते हैं। उनका कुछ शेष नहीं रहता। व्याकुलता अब चरम पर थी। उस कुँए तक जाने का रास्ता अकल्पनीय था। मेरे कंकालों का भी अस्तित्व ना रहने का विचार मुझे परेशान कर रहा था। सोच सिर्फ़ नकारात्मक ऊर्जा से भरी थी। आँखो में बसी अग्नि उन्हीं आँखों को जला रही थीं। शरीर फूला जा रहा था। पाँव व बाँछे खुल चुके थे। साँस आने की कोई अनुभूति नहीं थी। मस्तिष्क हल्का हो रहा था और सोच धूमिल। यकायक मानो कुँए के पानी में तीव्र हुई लहरों ने वापस मुझे जगति पर बिठा दिया। सोच का अस्तित्व मिट चुका था। आडम्बर फ़िर से स्वागत को तैयार थे। यह जीवन चक्र मेरे एक कंकाल बनने या उन कंकालों के भी मिट जाने तक चलता रहेगा।

लेखिका कहानियाँ और मुक्त छन्द कविताएँ लिखती हैं। कथा चरित्रों की सजीव कल्पना से उनकी कहानियाँ जीवन्त और मार्मिक बनती है। कहानियों और कविताओं के अतिरिक्त वह जीवन शैली, फैशन और मनोरंजन आदि विषयों पर लिखना पसंद करती हैं। फेमिनिस्ट मुद्दों पर उनके आलेख बिना किसी पूर्वाग्रह के होते हैं। लेखिका ने लोपक.इन के लिए कई कहानियां और अन्य आलेख लिखे हैं। वह एक बहुराष्ट्रीय कंपनी में कार्यरत हैं।

3 thoughts on “मुझे इंसान रहने दो

  1. Beautiful writing!!
    We are blessed to know a writer who is writing like prem chand ji !
    God bless you!!

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