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तुम जानती हो कि कभी-कभी मेरी इच्छा ना होने पर भी तुम मुझे अपनी ओर इस डरावने जंगल में खींचती हो। मैं तुम तक दौड़ता चला आता हूँ । तुम्हारे साथ बैठकर, तुम्हारे इन ठंडे हाथों को अपने हाथों में भरकर रखता हूँ, जब तक मेरे हाथ भी ठंडे होकर सुन्न ना हो जाएं। अपने घर की ओर देखकर यह भी सोचता हूँ कि मुझ पर तुम्हारा प्रभाव कितना गहरा है कि हर दिन मैं आत्मा की सुनहरी देहरी को लाँघकर इस काले-घने जंगल में आकर तुमसे मिलता हूँ। किस तरह मेरी पत्नी ‘चेतना’ हमेशा मेरी चिंता में जीती है। उसके हर दूसरे वाक्य में मैं अपने लिए उसकी परवाह देखता हूँ। मैं जानता हूँ कि वह मुझे अत्यधिक प्रेम करती है पर यह सब मेरे नियंत्रण में नहीं है। तुम्हारा जादू मुझे यहाँ ले ही आता है। आज तुम्हें एक बात समझनी होगी कि मैं तुमसे प्रेम करता हूँ, पर…

यह कितना बचकाना है कि जब मैं अपने घर में होता हूँ तो तुम खिड़की से झाँकती हो। तुम दरवाज़े पर कान लगाकर मेरी बातें सुनने की कोशिश करती हो। तुम मेरे बच्चों को भी डराती हो। मुझे डर लगता है कि तुम मेरी पत्नी को जान से मारना चाहती हो। क्या ऐसा ही है? यदि हाँ, तो यह बहुत गलत है। प्रेम में यह सब नहीं होता है। मुझे हासिल करने के तुम्हारे प्रयास अक्सर मेरा मन विचलित कर देते हैं। यह समझना बहुत आवश्यक है कि हमारे रिश्ते में किसी भी प्रकार के दबाव की जगह नहीं होनी चाहिए। तुम्हें कोई ज़रूरत नहीं है, मेरे पड़ोसी के कपड़े चुराने की और ना ही ज़रूरत है मेरी पत्नी से अधिक सुंदर दिखने की। तुम्हें सिर्फ इसी धुन में मत रहो कि किस तरह मेरा ध्यान अपनी ओर आकर्षित करो। तुम मुझे सुकून देती हो पर तुमसे सुकून पाना ही मेरे जीवन का एक मात्र लक्ष्य नहीं है।

मेरी पत्नी ने मुझे एक बात समझायी है। यदि हम एक ही विषय को लेकर दो बार रोते हैं तो इसका यह अर्थ है कि पहली बार में हमने कुछ भी नहीं सीखा। हमारे व्यर्थ गए आँसू यह भी बताते हैं कि हमने अपने आपको कोई महत्व ही नहीं दिया। मुझे यह समझ आता है कि तुम्हें यह जंगल और इसके अंधेरे में घूमना कितना पसंद है। तुम यह आशा रख सकती हो कि मैं रोज रात आकर तुम्हारे पास बैठूँ। पर मेरे नहीं आने पर तुम्हें इतना परेशान नहीं होना चाहिए कि तुम मेरे दरवाजे और खिड़कियों पर पत्थर फेंकने लगो। क्योंकि तुम इस तरह से रहना चाहती हो, मैं नहीं। मेरे घर ‘आत्मा’ में मुझे अपनी पत्नी ‘चेतना’ और अपने दोनों बच्चों ‘चित्त’ और ‘काया’ को सँभालना है। मुझे चेतना की सावधानी भारी बातों को नकारना नहीं है। मुझे पाने के लिए तुम्हारा उन सब को डराना उचित नहीं है। जब तक मैं स्वयं यह इच्छा ना रखूँ, तुम मुझे हासिल नहीं कर पाओगी।

हाँ, मैं तुम्हें प्रेम करता हूँ, पर … मैं यहाँ हमेशा के लिए रुकना नहीं चाहता। तुम उस ओर मेरे साथ नहीं रह सकती क्योंकि किवाड़ के उस पार तुम्हारा अस्तित्व शून्य है। तुम्हें स्वयं को मुझसे अधिक प्रेम करते हुए मेरे प्रेम पर संदेह करने का कोई अधिकार नहीं है। सुनो, पहली बार जब मैंने तुम्हें देखा था तो मैंने सोचा था कि नरक में भी मैं तुम्हारे साथ नहीं रह सकता पर धीरे-धीरे सब बदल गया ना। तुमने मुझे सिखाया कि डर और सुकून का मिश्रण क्या होता है। मैं तुम्हें अपनी जीवन के आठों पहर नही दे सकता पर हाँ, दिन के कुछ क्षण अवश्य दे सकता हूँ। क्या यह पर्याप्त नहीं है?

मुझे यह पता है कि तुम मुझे अपना बनाने के लिए किसी भी हद तक जा सकती हो। पर तुम्हें यह समझना होगा कि तुम प्रेम के प्रति मेरा दृष्टिकोण परिवर्तित नहीं कर सकती। मेरे जीवन का उद्देश्य भी तुम्हें शायद समझ नहीं आए। मुझे इतना प्रेम करने के लिए मैं तुमसे घृणा नहीं करता हूँ, पर मैं असहज महसूस करता हूँ जब तुम अजीब हरकतें करने लगती हो। तुम रोकर मुझे रोकना चाहती हो। यह मुझे जाल में फँसाने जैसा प्रतीत होता है। मैं यह सब समझता हूँ, पर मुझे एक ही जीवन मिला है जिसमें मुझे बहुत कुछ करना है।

इस काले-घने जंगल में तुम सहज होती है, क्योंकि यह तुम्हारा घर है। मुझे राख के ढ़ेर के सिंहासन पर बिठाकर तुम इस जंगल में हवा से तेज भागती हो। तुम पेड़ों पर उल्टा लटक कर हँसती हो। तुमने गौर किया है कि यह सब करते हुए तुम ही अकेले हँसती हो? और वह हँसी इतनी तेज होती है कि ऐसा लगने लगता है कि पूरे जंगल में सिर्फ तुम्हारी हँसी की आवाज़ ही गूँज रही हो। तुम्हें कभी इस बात की परवाह नहीं होती कि इस सब में मैं कितना डरता हूँ। जब मैं जाने की कोशिश करता हूँ तो तुम्हारी हँसी विलाप में परवर्तित हो जाती है। तुम मेरे पैरों को घास की रस्सी से बाँध देती हो। जब मैं रोते हुए अपने घर जाने की इच्छा व्यक्त करता हूँ, तब तुम मुझे डराती हो। तुम चाहती हो कि मैं चुप हो जाऊं, पर ऐसा कहाँ होता है। तुम सोचती हो कि मुझे यहाँ कैद करके रखने से एक न एक दिन में तुम्हारे प्यार को समझ जाऊँगा।

प्रत्येक दिन मैं अपने परम मित्र ‘अवचेतन’ की सहायता से यहाँ से बचकर निकलने की कोशिश करता हूँ। यहाँ से मेरे घर तक के सौ कदम रास्ते को दौड़कर पार करने में मैं कई कंकालों के ऊपर अपना पैर रखता हुआ जाता हूँ। क्या ये सभी तुम्हारे प्रेमी नहीं थे? इन सब बातों से मैं तंग आ गया हूँ। आज मैं कुछ नहीं करूँगा और तुम्हें ही मुझे स्वतंत्र करना होगा। मेरे वापस आने का इंतजार करना होगा। तुम जानती हो, बिना तंत्र-मंत्र किये भी तुम मेरी आँखों में देखते हुए मेरे साथ नृत्य कर सकती हो।

अब मुझे जाने दो। मेरे पैरों में बँधी रस्सी खोल दो। मैं जानता हूँ कि तुम भूत हो और इन सब शब्दों की आदी नहीं हो पर फिर भी ‘मेरा विश्वास करो’ और यदि मैं वापस ना आना चाहूँ तो तुम अपनी भावनाओं का आदर करते हुए मुझे भूल जाओ। वादा करो कि यदि मैं इस जगह को छोड़ कर जाने की कोशिश करूँ तो तुम मेरा सुनहरा घर खंडहर में नही बदलोगी। तुम मेरे परिवार का हिस्सा नहीं बन सकती पर तुम मेरे मन मे सदैव रहोगी। प्रेम में यह समझ लेना अच्छी बात है ना? कल यदि मैं यह घर छोड़कर अपने परिवार के साथ जा रहा हूँ तो तुम रास्ते के बीच में आकर मुझे रोकने का प्रयास मत करना। मेरे परिवार के प्राण हरने की कोशिश मत करना। यह समझ लो यदि उन्हें कुछ होता है तो मैं भी जीवित नहीं बचूँगा। मेरे ना रहने पर तुम्हारा यह अस्तित्व भी कहाँ ही बचेगा? इस विश्वास के साथ कि तुम मुझे चोट नहीं पहुँचाओगी, अब मैं जा रहा हूँ।

अपना ख़याल रखना, प्रिये!

लेखिका कहानियाँ और मुक्त छन्द कविताएँ लिखती हैं। कथा चरित्रों की सजीव कल्पना से उनकी कहानियाँ जीवन्त और मार्मिक बनती है। कहानियों और कविताओं के अतिरिक्त वह जीवन शैली, फैशन और मनोरंजन आदि विषयों पर लिखना पसंद करती हैं। फेमिनिस्ट मुद्दों पर उनके आलेख बिना किसी पूर्वाग्रह के होते हैं। लेखिका ने लोपक.इन के लिए कई कहानियां और अन्य आलेख लिखे हैं। वह एक बहुराष्ट्रीय कंपनी में कार्यरत हैं।

1 thought on “आई लव यू घोस्ट, बट …

  1. Kitna pure love, darr, pyar ko kho dena, masoomiyat, ek chhota baccha jaise kuch pana chahta hai aur waise hi pyar ko paane ki chahat rakhna.
    Bahut sundar kahani thi. Dono ke feelings ko kitna pyare dhang se btaya hai.

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